SOAP BOX Rant: Define yourself!

If you define yourself by how much money you make, how many degrees you hold, by a title you possess or even by what you do in the bedroom, please tell me why you have an issue when people judge you based on that with which you define yourself?

Words unwritten or should I say unposted

 

You would be astonished at the amount of "draft" blog posts I have on my blog site. Writing is so personal to me that I guard it very closely. It's like a window that allows everyone to really know what I am thinking and feeling. My biggest fear is that my words will not be received as intended -- so I hold back and fiend writer's block when really its Stephanie block. I have a million things in my internal reservoir waiting to be extracted from my brain and put into paragraph form. Time to finish those drafts and post them.

 

Can you be "in love" with two people at the same time?

There was a discussion on the radio this morning asking the question if you can be in love with 2 people at the same time?  People differentiate "love" and "being in love" with someone as two distinct and different phases of love.  Talking about love for me at times is like talking about politics and religion, you're never going to see eye to eye 100% and you run the risk of alienating people because of your true beliefs.  People tend to vocalize only the parts of their definition of “love” and “being in love” that seems appropriate for the audience in which the discussion is taking place. I too, am a victim of this, let me explain.

"Love" is a topic that I very seldom feel comfortable articulating, publicly or privately. I know for sure the way I love and the love I need are different now than when I was in my 20's and surely it will be different throughout the years moving forward.  The love I witnessed growing up was complex and all over the place, yet it was “love”.  I witnessed unconditional love, deeply committed love, people who were “in love”, people who loved more than one person at a time, and love, that at times was so toxic, it bordered on insanity. But to each person and each situation, it was “love”.

I looked for a text book definition, which in today’s world meant I went online. First up, www.Dictionary.com’s definition of “love”:

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. sexual passion or desire.

4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

.....and of course I had to Google the definition of “love”. This is the first search result -

Love - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LoveCached - SimilarShare

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Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection ...

Falling in love   Romance   Biological basis   Greek words for love

Nowhere in either of the definitions does it say that “love” or the act of being “in love” is exclusive to one person, place or thing.  It’s hard for me to explain my definition of love except that it is unconventional and unwavering, genuine and true.  I try not to explain my love except to the person for which a definition is needed and even then sometimes, the words don’t come out right.  There are a host of other words that are related to “love” and I think people confuse them with “love” like intimacy, commitment, security, relationships, etc. We make conscious decisions to carry out those terms in a manner in which we think best compliments our “love”, however that is not “love”, it’s how we express our “love”.

So to answer the question, can you be in love with 2 people at the same time? My answer is simply, yes.

Thirsty at 35!

Its been a minute since I made a post but a subject has been recently coming up in conversation with both my male and female friends that I wanted to talk about.  Are single women in their mid-30's "thirsty"? 

As I approach the big 3-5, which is merely a technicality due the sun setting and rising everyday, I've pondered this question.  Dating now is nothing like it was when you're in your 20's; factor in social media and you are now able to connect with a whole universe of prospective mates, both near and far.

A number of rational reasons can be assumed as to why women seem "thirsty".  Some feel like their clock is ticking; they value their time and relationships more; and, just plain ol' don't want to waste time on someone that has no "potential".  Will running down your mental checklist of do's and don'ts constitute you as being "thirsty" or would you rather be considered "thorough"? Also, by being "thirsty" are you forgetting to let life take you where it takes you, live in the moment, and let real people connections develop?

I don't consider myself "thirsty". I'm not searching for any one kind of person. I do have a checklist but its an adult, real-world, checklist like have a job, your own place, transportation and know how to have a conversation that involves some intellectual thought and usage of words. At the very least, be able to take care of yourself.  Nothing worse than talking to a cute dummy!

No matter what term is used, I think everyone is searching for a connection.  Everyone is not meant to be your husband, boyfriend, or fill-in baby daddy. Take it for what it is and LIVE! Being "thirsty" in your actions, comments on social media, and on the hunt for Mr. Right makes you look exactly what the word "thirsty" implies, dried up!

Jumping on the Social Bandwagon

At some point, I think most people can say that they have jumped on a social bandwagon. Over the past couple of weeks, two major social causes have been in the forefront of the national media - Kony 2012 and the Trayvon Martin case. 

I'm not going to voice my opinion on the specifics of either, but I ask a simple question - why must people feel the need to discredit the level of support and attention garnered by these causes that have reached millions of people with their message?  Someone somewhere cared enough to start a grass roots movement regarding an issue that was important to them. That movement could have started with a phone call, a post on a Facebook page, a tweet, a YouTube video, or any number of ways in our social media connected world.  We all have the ability to do the same regarding an issue that we hold near and dear.

I don't think people realize that by – posting negative comments about the causes, trying to redirect people’s attention to another cause, locally or nationally – are on the very bandwagon that they seem to be opposing. 

Silence is golden, as is our collective voices in support of a cause. So instead of posting a dissertation on your Facebook page about how and why someone else's cause is garnering so much attention, use your voice to start your own cause and be the driver of your own bandwagon.

Goldfish and the doctors office

Orange and Wipes (whites), my son's goldfish, have been at the doctors office for over a year now.  I never mustered up the courage to explain their floating deaths to him when they occurred. The little guy wears his feelings on his sleeve, an adorable trait that he received from his momma. So upon their floating demise, Orange and Wipes had an extended stay at the doctor's office.

Today while my son was on an outing with my sister and mom, I was speaking with my sister on the phone. They passed a pet store and I heard my son in the background declare that his fish were dead!  I was flabbergasted!!

I immediately asked my sister to ask him who told him that? I heard him say, "I told myself. They've been at the doctors for a long time and haven't come home so they're dead." Oh geesh, what have I done.  I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.  We haven't talked about those goldfish for quite some time. The absence of the fish tank, I'm sure, has lent to the lack of conversation about them.

So in remembrance of Orange and Wipes he has now requested a Nemo fish. O_o  That salt water tank better come with a maintenance man because I'm sure Nemo will be visiting Orange and Wipes' doctor sooner rather than later.

To Listen or Not to Listen ~ Urban radio at work!

I'm sitting at my desk with the radio on listening intently as I try to win tickets to the Jay-Z and Kanye West concert, cause let's face it, the chances are far greater that I will win the tickets then pay $150 for seats where I can actually see them on stage.  So, my ear tunes in to the lyrics of the song playing, Ace Hood and Rick Ross, and this thought pops into my mind, "Am I too old and too professional to listen to urban radio at work?" 

I find myself turning the radio down when co-workers walk into my office, or suddenly breaking out into a cold sweat when during an awkward silence in conversation, the words of song shouting the n word or referencing sexual favors becomes blaring and audible. Is it just me? Am I the only one experiencing this? I mean, its not satellite radio or even an ipod playing, this is public radio. Censorship is virtually nonexistent. We've all become witty enough to know what word was meant to fill in the radio dub, my 4 yr old has said the words and he only listens to the radio (momma's been slacking on keeping her cd collection up to date).

Our music has changed. I'm old school I guess (yes, I have embraced that I am closer to the middle of my life then closer to the beginning), I want a smooth beat over some bass and lyrics that make me fall in love, cry, or get my old school butt out on the floor to dance. Our music continues to evolve, however our lyrical vocabulary seems to be headed in a different direction. AND let's not mistake wittiness for education or tact.

Now the impending decision is, do I spend my professional days tuned in to the Lite station or push through the awkwardness that sometimes occurs in a professional setting when our music is played on urban radio?